After Rowan died I had an initial problem differentiating between a dream about him and a true visitation. Likewise I have struggled with intuition; am I being intuitive or am I just imagining something?
Intuition is a natural ability or power that makes it possible to know something without any proof or evidence; a feeling that guides a person to act a certain way without fully understanding why. Since this journey began for me I have been described many times as intuitive. I wasn’t sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing!
Thinking back over my life there have been many times when I have had a bad feeling about something; when I have known the truth and the best course of action without having to think; when I have honoured my ideas without evaluation or consideration; when I have trusted my ‘knowingness’ without question. I am sure many of you will also have experienced these sensations. The thing is, do you dismiss these inner thoughts or intuition as wishful thinking or common knowledge or imagination; or do you honour your inner self and act on them? When you respect these inklings, hunches, ideas the Universe typically rewards you for this and adds extra support to your inspirations. As Jodie said to me ‘Sue, did you really think the Universe would let you down?’ If you are working for the highest good in a situation the Universe will do everything in its power to help you achieve your goal. It is soul-destroying to disallow your intuition. Every time you resist your inner feelings, your heart cracks a little bit; it feels saddened and disappointed at a deep level. Perhaps it is time to start the renovations by honouring your feelings! If you are unhappy with a situation it means that something is wrong and taking action is the way to go; in the kindest and gentlest way possible of course – for the highest good of everyone involved!
I have intuitively known when partners have cheated on me as I am sure many of you have. On occasions I stuffed the knowledge to the back of my mind. This was a destructive thing to do because it never really goes away. It eats at you even though you may not be consciously aware of that. Again you need to take action before it becomes detrimental to your heart and soul. Talk it through; bring it out into the open; then you can start the healing process.
It would be, perhaps three years ago when Rowan and I were driving to Clutha; for what reason I can’t remember; probably a New World run or something along those lines. We drove past the pub and down to the old hospital corner. At which point he decided to share with me! ‘Hey mum, I went quad biking in the paddocks down there the other day’. ‘It was awesome’!
I felt my stomach turn over; I could feel the blood pulsating at my temples; my breathing quickened and I became almost panicky; I felt hot and then cold all in one moment. I jammed the brakes on and turned to him. ‘Don’t you ever do that again’! ‘How stupid can you be – don’t you know how dangerous they are’? ‘If I ever hear of you doing that again you are in big trouble’. ‘Sorry buddy, you are GROUNDED’!
This was an intuitive reaction. I don’t know why my body reacted the way it did; it was a physical shock-type reaction. It behaved in a totally uncharacteristic way and I allowed it to manifest with an outburst that was enough to scare most people!
We drove in silence to Clutha whilst I tried to make some sort of sense of this physical reaction. Boxing Day 2012 was the day I realised why I had reacted so badly to his excited account. I must have had some sort of intuitive feeling that quad bikes and Rowie were not a marriage made in Heaven. I have lost count of the times I have said since, ‘Oh Rowie, why didn’t you listen to me’?
In point of fact nothing would have changed the outcome. Rowie had a death date and that death date was 26 December 2012. If he had stayed home instead of heading to Jess’ the outcome would have been the same. He would have electrocuted himself on faulty equipment; he would have borrowed the car and crashed. He would have died that day come what may. He carries a huge sadness with him though. He now realises that death dates are immovable but he regrets enormously having to die in front of his friends. He found this one of the most difficult aspects of his sudden passing to come to terms with. What a situation to put friends in?
As I have described before, on the night Rowie died I was immediately aware of a massive heartache as soon as the fire alarm went off. I felt as if someone had driven an ice cold knife into my heart. I sat and waited for the bad news. I had actually visualised Reuben and Rowan going over the cliff on their way back from Chaslands – a notoriously bad road. When Francis walked in, grey and tense, I knew that my life had changed for ever.
Intuitive; jury is still out on whether this gift is a good or a bad thing!