by dahl2013

18 December 2013 – a week to go before the 1st anniversary of Rowan’s death.

Well, we will get through Christmas, of that there is no doubt.  It certainly won’t be the same.  The Universe has already done us a favour – Chris has been rostered off work both on Christmas Day and Boxing Day.  We understandably don’t feel like ‘doing’ Christmas this year.  Maree is going to spend the day with her family and Francis is coming to spend the day with Chris and I.  We will eat rare roast beef; something Chris, Francis and I enjoy.  We will have a bottle of red wine with the beef and set an extra place at the table for Rowie (just in case he wants to visit and stay a while).  Presents will be very understated this year.  A little something for Francis, Maree and Janey; I don’t doubt that another owl might turn up for Rowie!  Chris and I don’t want presents.  Last year’s presents were ridiculous; it was almost as if we knew it would be the last family Christmas; we all spoiled each other rotten!

We have found Rowie a beautiful little tree of his own; not classical but striking nonetheless; and his special decoration that he used to place on the family tree, a bird’s nest with two baby chicks in it, sits on his Ashes Casket.  The blue Christmas lights over the window in the dining room remain there from last year – Rowie put them up for us.  We will turn them on.

We are going to try to not dwell on our loss.  Unless he has some pressing business up there, we are sure that Rowan will come visiting us.  We intend to talk about him and to him.  The warm and funny memories he has left us with will never go away.  He enriched our lives and we will make sure he knows that he did. We will try to be grateful that his soul is now free and that he is in a truly amazing place.

Boxing Day will be a tough one.  The one thing we don’t want to do is sit at home.  I sat there waiting last year for the bad news that I knew was on its way.  We must get away from the house.  Francis and Maree have asked us to visit them – if the weather permits we may have a BBQ.  I will certainly be asking the Universe to provide us with good weather on the 26th!  The 28th sees the long-awaited softball match between Central Otago and The Catlins – the one organised for last year that had to be cancelled.  Rowie will be cheering us on!

Chris has decided that he wants to forget his birthday this year.  I respect his wishes – he is working that night anyway.  We are lucky that his days off fall across the New Year break as well – together we can see the New Year in with hope for the future.

The start of 2014 brings a fresh, more positive start for us all.  All the ‘firsts’ will be behind us and we will begin to do some real healing.  I am hopeful that my efforts will pay off and that I will be able to move forward with my life plan.  I hope to master the art of meditation!  I hope to begin to work together with Rowie in whatever capacity he wishes.  I hope to continue my healing work.  I hope that, as a family, we head towards something life-changing, rewarding and cathartic.  I hope that I can practice what I preach – love, compassion, forgiveness!

So that is nearly the end of our first year without Rowie – we will continue with our journey and we will continue to share this with you if you would like us to. 

Come on 2014 – bring it on!