A LOSS IS A LOSS IS A LOSS

by dahl2013

I’m continuing my theme of positive affirmations here because I think these are hugely important in our quest for a more enlightened and joyful existence.  Couple the positive affirmations with expressions of gratitude and we are on the right track.

When you hear someone has suffered ‘a loss’, your immediate thought is that they have suffered the death of a loved one.  Loss encompasses many things.  A break-up of a relationship is a loss.  A divorce is a loss.  A death is a loss.  All these things started with a unity, an affiliation, a liaison and as such their termination can cause severe grief.  There are many other types of loss that we can experience in our lives; the loss of a pregnancy; the loss of a pet, the loss of a job, the loss of our youth, our figure, our agility, our self-respect to name but a few – and these all cause varying depths of distress and grief.

When Rowan died in such a tragic and unexpected accident I never thought that my heart would ever heal.  I know that it still hasn’t healed but I am now aware that healing is possible. It is all down to me at the end of the day whether I do or I don’t heal.  My intention is to remember Rowan with love, not with sadness and regret.  The more time I spend telling myself how badly done to we are, the more I spiral down into the depths of despair and misery; and how self-serving am I being?  It’s so much easier being miserable.  Believe it or not this is true!  I can stay in bed all day, drift in and out of sleep and be despondent; feel wretched and depressed; close myself off from the rest of the world; stay at home, watch TV, read books, play on the computer…..and then, when I do go out…….people feel they still have to tread carefully with me because the pain is still so very visible.  So I return back into my shell and hibernate with my miserable thoughts once again.  Easy!

How much harder the alternative is.  You paint a smile on your face and go out to meet people face on.  Over and over again you do this.  It is hard for the first few times but you suddenly realise that the painted smile is no longer painted, it is becoming a reality.  The little things that made you cry before – a visit to the supermarket – walking past the cheese I always used to buy just for Rowan, was a generator of unhappiness.  You find that they suddenly become warm memories instead of desperate heart-aching triggers. You suddenly begin to see the positive things in life again. 

Life has gone on without you.  It doesn’t stop just because you want to get off the treadmill.

Our thoughts create our experience.  The grief of losing Rowan is very real but the way I think about it shapes the experience and feelings that I have.  Does that make sense?  We all have different ways of thinking so we all experience the same grief in a different way.  Chris and Francis’ experiences will be entirely different to mine. 

You start off by saying things like ‘this is the worst thing that could ever happen’, ‘how will I ever live without him’?  These are the negative affirmations I talked about before……  The pain of the initial grief is bad enough but here you are compounding that grief by adding negative affirmations to it.  To say things like ‘my life has been beautified by having Rowan in it’ or ‘Rowan taught me how powerful my love is’ is adding positive affirmations to a dire situation. 

I talk about death because that is the loss that I have experienced but you can apply this to relationship break-ups, divorce etc. by saying things like ‘I am open to loving again’ or ‘my life is always full of loving relationships in every form’.  Replace the old ‘I’m not worthy of love’ or ‘why did he leave me?  It must be my fault” with these positive statements and you are well on the way to healing that heart.

Yes, I have discovered that I can heal my heart if I try and I will try because I owe it to Rowan.

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