by dahl2013

Perhaps it is because yesterday was such a beautiful, warm, sunny day and today is so dull, wet and miserable. I feel a little sad today. I start thinking of quotes that I have heard over the last months; quotes that have so perfectly described my feelings during this time.

There are so many awesome sayings:

• Grief is not a disorder, a disease or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical and spiritual necessity; the price we pay for loving and being loved.
• No person has the right to condemn you on how you repair your heart or how long you choose to grieve because no-one knows how much you’re hurting. Recovering takes time and everyone heals at his or her own pace.
• There is absolutely no time limit on grief so don’t rush yourself or let others rush you.
• My grief will last a lifetime. After a few weeks, the rest of the world moves on, but I’ll miss my baby for the rest of my life. That doesn’t mean I’m doomed to a life of sorrow. I am better for knowing him. He made me a better person.
• No matter what anybody says about grief and about time healing all wounds; the truth is, there are certain sorrows that never fade away until the heart stops beating and the last breath is taken.
• Grief is the last act of love we have to give to those we loved. Where there is deep grief, there was great love.
• Grief if not a process. There is no endpoint. It’s not something I’ll be ‘done’ with. It’s something I’m learning to live with.
• When you feel like you can’t go any further, just know that the strength which carried you this far will take you the rest of the way.
• How can you forget someone who gave you so much to remember.
• ………and once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in.

all poignant; all emotive to the max.

My favourite, the one I find expresses how I feel nineteen months down the track is this:

Grief changes us. The pain sculpts us into someone who understands more deeply, hurts more often, appreciates more quickly, cries more easily, hopes more desperately, loves more openly.

The healing is not about stopping missing the person we have lost. It’s about learning to live our lives WHILST missing them. The pain never really goes away – you just sort of make room for it in the storeroom and box it up!

Helen Keller said ‘What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us’. This is so true.

Rowan gave us so many memories. No-one can take those away. The cliff that took his life did not take those away. They are indelible – imprinted on our hearts and souls. We will take them with us to our death. And even though we have the memories, we still sometimes cry out for the physical – the hug, the high-five, the kiss.

The deepest pain and grief we can endure is the death of a child. When you lose your own child you lose something that you would inherently die to save. Grief is probably the toughest class we have to take here on earth. But death gives life a certain meaning – and when you lose someone as important as Rowie you suddenly realise what is actually important in life. Other problems just seem so trivial.

We have survived the storm. So much of the past nineteen months is a blur. One thing is absolutely clear though; we are not the same people as we were when we walked into the storm.