In the past I have been very susceptible to people who carry negative energy – I could be happy and full of excited anticipation for the day and then crash just as quickly when someone dealt out negativity. I am learning to cope with this. In times gone by when this happened I would descend into gloom and the hours would get progressively worse as negative energy filled the remainder of the day before I slept again!
I am not saying avoid people who have worries or problems – these folks we can and should help. I am perfectly happy providing a shoulder to cry on or lending an ear to people who want to off-load their troubles or anxieties. I will help anyone who has a desire to help themselves. I will help anyone who is struggling to see light. The people we need to avoid are the ones who are grouchy and cantankerous; the ones who wake up with a crabby attitude who have no intention whatsoever of releasing it. They hang on to that snappish and petulant behaviour like a dog holds on to a bone and they enjoy taking everyone around them down too. They have the sort of ‘if I’m not happy then I’m sure not going to let you be happy either’ type mind-set!
If you are happy in your own skin; resilient and strong, then taking on these people can prove to be a positive experience for both them and you but if you are struggling to keep your own head above water, these are the people you need to steer clear of.
After Rowan died I struggled so hard to keep my own head out of the mire and those of Francis,Chris and Maree that taking on anyone else’s problems just wasn’t an option and most people understood this and were just there when we needed them. The hardest ones to deal with though were the negative souls who thought it wrong to smile and joke around us because we were ‘grieving’. They would adopt a sombre, grumpy demeanour whenever they saw us or they got a fixed looked on their faces and sped up as they came towards us hoping not to have to talk! If they did talk they complained voraciously about anything and everything just to prove that their lives were no better than ours!
We needed light and laughter. We needed warmth and fun and humour.
When I meet a grumpy soul now like this I look at them and feel sad for them. They are oblivious to the fact that their day is only going to get worse unless they snap out of their misery. Self-pity is one of the worst states of mind you can enter in to. It is terribly hard to see a positive way out of self-pity and can lead to long-term depression. I know from experience that the longer you hold on to self-pity the deeper and deeper you sink into misery and self-loathing.
Another very dangerous game to play is the ‘blame game’.
The ‘blame game’ is played with a frame of mind that likes to blame everyone else for the bad things that happen in your life. As you play this game you become angrier and more bitter as the days go by. You retreat into yourself and look at everyone else with hostility. The truth is, as you allow yourself to blame others for your unhappiness, you are cultivating a ‘victim-type’ consciousness that won’t allow you any happiness; it will just consume every spark of light you have left in you. This in turn will drive people away from you. Those that started by feeling deeply sorry for you and who cared for you will be driven away by your misery and anger and you will eventually find yourself alone.
It’s not easy to turn yourself around. I know that from experience. But turn yourself around you must if you intend to come out of the tunnel at the other end. To lose someone in whatever way is heart-breaking but you have to face the loss, look on it as a way to grow spiritually and emotional – a soul lesson, a life lesson. Don’t blame yourself or others for this. Treat it as a catalyst to grow and help others along the way. Remember His Holiness The Dalai Lama; love, compassion, forgiveness!