OK. So Rowie is stepping back a little to allow me to work with someone different on a literary level. It is all a matter of learning to trust someone new; trusting that they will understand my confused deliberations and contemplations. I guess they too will be worrying a little at the thought of taking me on! I wish I had a name to communicate with or a picture to envisage. You could say that I am working blind! I get the goose bumps as affirmation that there is someone around me; someone wanting to help me. I just have to learn afresh how to recognise the signs and the ways in which this new guide of mine is going to communicate with me, is going to help and steer me.
As I sit back and think about this challenge I wonder whether a visit to see my beautiful friend in Gore might be the answer. I’m guessing that she will be able to see whoever it is that has chosen to help me on the next part of my journey.
I am suddenly gripped with fear that Rowan might not hang around with me any more if I start to work with someone else – even though I am told that he is encouraging this step. If mediums are to be believed though; all it takes is a conscious thought on my behalf and Rowie will be by my side; listening and loving as always. I am 99.9% sure that this is the case although there is still that slight doubt; that moment when I am fearful that it is just my imagination; usually after dark. How does the saying go? “The darkest hour is just before the dawn” or “the darkest hour of all is the hour before day”. I take that to mean that there is hope, even in the worst of circumstances!
When I talk about my new-found spirituality I have lost count of the times that people have said to me “OK, but I’m not religious so I find all this a bit weird”! The fact of the matter is that I am not religious either. This may seem a little puzzling. Every religion in the world has its spiritual philosophies. There are great big, undeniable connections between all these philosophies. In my mind this says, loud and clear, that spirituality exists; but however each individual wishes to acknowledge it, it is up to them. I fully respect people who have a religion; it is just that, on the whole, I find religions tend to be intolerant of other religions and as such, don’t want to head down that path myself.
Spirituality isn’t about how much we meditate or how often we go to church. It isn’t about how much time we spend praying. It is about opening ourselves up; letting go of expectations; forgetting about the way we think things should be; quieting that incessant babble in your head. It means that we need to stop labelling everything as either ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, ‘black’ or ‘white’. It entails trying to put a hold on our judgemental attitude and thinking that we are always the ones that are right. It means choosing love over fear. It involves allowing more love, compassion, forgiveness and gratitude into our world. The way I see it is that anyone who kills others in the name of religion or judges others for life choices and bans them from their religious community for these choices is not truly walking the spiritual path.
Actively encouraged by Rowan, I am trying to live my life in a more forgiving way. It isn’t easy when you have spent fifty-odd years of your life having no religious or spiritual beliefs whatsoever! If this means letting go of ways and things that no longer serve me then so be it.
I know Rowie was excusing of my chaotic reflections! I hope my new spirit friend can make some sense of my disorderly thoughts – and although perhaps perplexed, I hope he has the strength to stick it out!