Life, Death and Spirituality


The excitement of finding out you are going to become parents is absolutely amazing.  I remember the thrill of sharing my body with a wee soul as it prepared to launch itself on the world!  I never stopped to think about the true importance of children being born onto this planet and their influence in its welfare.

I, as most parents, looked on my new-borns as beings that came to us knowing nothing at all – barren ground ready for us to sow the seeds and grow them.   When I now think about these wee souls, I realise that they come to us knowing the most important life lesson that there is; that of love.  The only needs that babies/children require of us are love and sustenance.

When a child comes to us, how many times a day do we tell them, “Not now!”, or “Shhhh, in a minute”, or “Come back later” because you are busy right now.  There are only so many times you can say these things to a child before it begins to question its worth and before it stops asking questions and for reassurance and love from us.  So many children are unheard, feel unloved, and feel insecure.  If we were to take more time with them, we would see a different type of human evolve – one that is wholly compassionate and caring, and one that has infinite time for others too.  We need to fill the world with these children!

Family life is no longer as it used to be.  I am not completely ancient but I do remember evenings spent playing board games with the family and crazy, mad card sessions!  Francis and I play daily scrabble on our phones now!  It’s great fun.  He spent an afternoon with me a few weeks ago.  We were sat talking, and playing phone scrabble as we talked.  I forget who thought of it first but we suddenly realised how ridiculous we were!  Francis went into the lounge and came back carrying the original scrabble board game!  We sat and talked and played and laughed.  We allowed in the light and our day positively shone!

Instead of speaking to each other, we are in fear of abstaining and using machines to speak for us!  When you speak with people you generate energy.  The person you’re talking to can hear the warmth in your voice, as well as hearing your words and they can feel the energy of those words.  Texting someone just doesn’t have the same energy!  We are somehow losing the ability to connect with each other on a spiritual level.

Televisions are awesome.  They bring nature and the world into our living rooms.  But television programmes don’t require any interaction.  To sit a child down in front of the television instead of reading to them or playing a game with them distances them from you.  They have televisions, computers, tablets, smart phones; all amazing examples of technology, but those can’t replace a knee to sit on or a reassuring hug as you share a picture book with your babies and children.

My mother was a shining example!

She would read to us as children until she was hoarse!  She would then make sure that she stopped reading just as the book became exciting to the max!  She would leave us “just for minute” and come back 5 minutes later to find us reading on for ourselves!  She would then take over and read again but she had given us the push, the nudge to try for ourselves.  My sister and I are both avid readers.  We have a passion for books that was lovingly given to us by our Mum.

She would drop everything for a game of cards!  Housework was never important enough to drag her away from a good game of cards – and this practise continued with her grandchildren too!  Francis and Rowie always knew that if Mum and Dad were too busy, Gran would always be up for a game (except Monopoly)!!  She would down tools and play, tell stories, read – you never had to ask her twice!

Children have the ability to voice their feelings very well.  They have more of an ability to grasp at knowledge than we, their parents, do.  A child is like a sponge.  They are open.  They are non-judgemental.  They have the ability to see answers that go beyond logic.  They deserve our time and our love.  The impact our actions have on future generations and how, who and what we do and are, mould our children into the adults that they become – what an incredible but awe-inspiring responsibility!

Let’s listen to our children.  What we dismiss as not being important; perhaps their interminable chatter, may not mean much to us, but to them it means everything.  Make them feel heard.  Let them feel that they can talk to us anytime; and listen to what they are trying to tell us.  Ask ourselves, is ten minutes of playtime with our children more important than some task – and I’m guessing that it probably is ninety-nine times out of a hundred!

By listening and spending time with our children, we are teaching them life skills that will enable them to be caring, sharing people, who listen to others.  They will have confidence, feel good about themselves, and most importantly, feel loved.  I think that parenting is the most responsible and important task we have in life.  When we invest time in our children, we’re also investing time in the future of mankind and its planet.  Wow!



Crikey! There are a lot of beautiful ‘mums to be’ and new mums around just now!

My father was never one to look at women as he drove around – you know the sort of thing; gorgeous looking woman walking down the street – worth a good look as you drive past! The only women he ever gave a second glance too were pregnant women – he thought every single one was absolutely perfect and beautiful and his face cracked into a wonderful smile every time he saw one! I have to confess that I probably inherited this gene from him. I think pregnant women are truly stunning and I absolutely loved being pregnant myself – the whole nine yards! Unfortunately my father never got to see the daughter he loved so much pregnant to boot – not from this plane anyway! He died a year before Francis came striding into our world.

I got to thinking a wee while ago.

If, as I suspect, we draw up a contract before we incarnate, when does the baby’s soul enter its body?

I am pretty sure that we all get to choose our parents and I’m pretty sure we all play a part in the planning out of our life lessons with those who are going to be closest to us in this next incarnation. OK so far. Our spirit, or soul is sitting in Heaven enjoying a break from our worldly responsibilities; in between incarnations; recovering from their last learning experience; appreciating this well-earned time-out. Perhaps we only step into our body as we are being born into this world again. Maybe we get to watch our mums and dads travel the nine months prior to our delivery – to watch the excitement and the planning and the lead up to the welcoming of this new soul into the world? This makes perfect sense to me. I believe we have a totally different time frame to that which operates in Heaven – what seems like an eternity down here passes like no time at all in Heaven.

I find the idea of a soul picking its future parents incredibly awesome. It gives a whole extra slant to the process; makes it even more perfect and special.

Souls recognise other souls by looking into others’ eyes. The age-old saying “the eyes are the windows to the soul” is very true. In my first regression therapy I certainly saw, in the eyes of my father in that incarnation, Francis’ eyes. This suggests that at some stage in the past, our roles were reversed and Francis was my parent. I equally saw Rowan in the eyes of the younger brother I loved and nurtured in the same regression. This was a hugely interesting and moving experience; one that tore me apart but one that has explained a lot to me about my present incarnation. At some stage I would like to experience another regression and learn a little more about my infinite soul. It is a fascinating way of learning about yourself and your life path in the present incarnation. It explains so much about the experiences and the driving force within you in this life.

I have talked before about my belief, as a child, that I could heal people by placing my hands on them. I find it remarkable that I can now use my hands for healing with the Universal White Time Healing gift, given to me by Jose Sanchez in San Francisco when I visited a dear friend, Jodie, there two year ago. Maybe part of Rowan’s journey was to help me remember that I was a healer in past lives and should be in this. I would have never explored spirituality, and learned as much as I have done if it weren’t for Rowan. What an incredibly selfless soul he is – and I will love him forever, as in infinitely, because he will be with me eternally and forevermore.


It has been a long time.  How’ve you been doing?  I’ve been a little preoccupied recently; had a lot of things on my mind.  Since the book launch I have been super-busy – mainly going around and around in circles, getting nowhere fast!  Suddenly the drive and purpose seemed to have left me.  I had done what I was instructed to do – written about my journey; published it so that others might gain from my experiences.  What now?

Well, nothing has really changed.  I miss Rowan every second of every minute of every day of every week, month, year, in my life.  He is as important to me now as he always was, from the moment he popped into this world on this rotation!

I’m not being wholly truthful when I say “nothing has changed”.  A lot of things have changed.  I no longer fear my own death, mortality.  I am actually quite excited about the prospect of the next part of my journey.  I no longer wonder “what next”?  I know what is next and it thrills me; it makes me want to shout at people who don’t know yet!  My perception of “life” has changed.  I am aware that I am living the life I chose to live before I incarnated this time around.  Why anyone would choose to put themselves through the things we have been through I’m not sure.  But these are the lessons that we all chose to learn when we planned out this journey; Rowan, Chris, Francis, Maree and I, along with everyone who has touched and will touch our lives as we continue.  Just imagine the homecomings we will all have; the celebrations as we get to meet up again further down the track!

Believing in an afterlife should help the grieving process; knowing that it is only a matter of time before we get to hug, laugh, talk together again with Rowie, and some days it is quite cathartic to think this.  I am aware of days when I do my early morning visiting routine with ‘the big Rowie picture’ that I am not drenched in sadness.  These days are becoming more and more frequent which is awesome.  Nevertheless, sometimes it just seems too painful to bear.

I have had a serendipitous expedition these last few days.  An advertisement for Transcendental Meditation (TM) appeared somewhere a few weeks ago which just happened to catch my eye!  I arranged to meet up with the facilitator on her way back from Dunedin to Invercargill.  I was immediately drawn to Margaret.  She is another soul who has been Heaven-sent to help me on my journey.  She spent four days in Owaka this week helping me learn the technique of TM.  This is the first meditation that I have found that sits well with me – I found that I could do it from the onset, which is extremely exciting.  I can see many benefits ahead of me as I allow TM to become another routine in my life.

I used my Universal White Time Healing the other day; the first time for a long time.  I found that I could hold the energy easier and longer than previously.  I think this may be the TM influence and long term this could be amazingly helpful.

I am still working with my crystals and gaining huge benefits from studying and handling them.  I find that any stress, anxiety or anger I am feeling quickly dissipates as I sit quietly with them and work.  I am enjoying researching spiritual and physical healing properties of each gemstone and combining them to make therapeutic bracelets.  I am delighted that people who order them are now, more often, selecting them for their properties rather than their appealing colours.

Rowie sent us a gift in the shape of Liv, his awesome friend from The Spirit of New Zealand at Easter.  She came to spend a few days with us.  It isn’t hard to see why those 10 days were the “best 10 days” of his life.

So you see, he is still very much a part of our life.  He guides us, educates us, propels opportunities our way, looks after us, and sends us friends upon friends to make our days happy and fulfilled – how awesome are our spirit family.


I have been struggling to understand the concept of forgiveness.

You can only forgive someone if you feel that they have treated you badly in some way.  You then make a conscious decision to forgive that person for whatever it is that they have done to you.  You can pay lip-service to them by saying ‘I forgive you for……’ but how much of this is true sentiment and how much is hot air!

Let us say, for example, that I was set-up and ended up being punished; punished because I criticised an exploit that was self-destructive in someone else; someone I care about.  They expertly, and with great cunning, turn the tables on me and I end up being the one criticised and berated from all sides!  I feel sad and betrayed.  OK.  Do I go to bed and forgive that person and wake up in the morning with it buried and forgotten?

No.  When you forgive somebody, you are saying ‘you hurt me, you were wrong, but I am going to forgive you anyway’!  In doing this, surely I am being judgemental?

Instead of ‘forgiving’ I am told that, to live a happier life, you need to change your mind-set so that you feel compassion for the perpetrator.  You look at them and analyse why it is that they did what they did.  Perhaps they did it out of their own fear or out of their own pain – perhaps they knew that what they did was stupid; perhaps they were having a miserable day; perhaps they just can’t stand criticism…..for whatever reason, that person is carrying anger or pain and needs ‘compassion’, not ‘forgiveness’.  Perhaps the unhappy soul was just using the instinctive old fighting tactic, ‘attack is the best form of defence’!  So we ditch forgiveness in favour of compassion!  Wouldn’t my long-time hero HH The Dalai Lama be proud of me?

Do I bear grudges?  I certainly used to.  I now try to let things go more quickly.  I heard a saying, “bearing a grudge against someone allows the perpetrator to live in your head rent-free”!  This is so true.  I carried around someone in my head for several years and the whole experience was extremely tiring and constantly drained me.  I eventually sat in a private space and said out loud, “Mr X, you treated us very badly but I now choose to let this memory go.  I will no longer carry this anger towards you around with me.  You must lead a very sad life and I hope you find happiness around the next corner”!  It’s amazing how much healthier I felt after I made this affirmation.

The world is full of givers and takers.  The givers are always happy to give to all those who present themselves; not only do they give material support, but they are happy to provide emotional assistance and love that others sometimes desperately search for.  The takers are always waiting for the next hand-out; again not only materialistic hand-outs; they seek emotional crutches and drain you dry if you let them.  There is a fine line between genuine needy people and those who are ‘energy vampires’.  There is a fine line between being a controlled giver and one who opens themselves up to be used and abused.

I am sure we all have examples of acquaintances that, after an hour in their company, leave you feeling tired and drained; lacking in energy and ready for bed (or a stiff drink)!  Is it kind to indulge these people or should we have the willpower to fight the urge to give of ourselves over and over again?  I met with someone recently who bled me dry.  I was unaware of the pressure this person had placed on me until I got in the car to drive home.  I was suddenly hit with an overwhelming fatigue; unable even to become enthusiastic about preparing dinner (an unheard of state of mind for me when food is concerned)!

Do I bear grudges?  I certainly used to.  I now try to let things go more quickly.  I heard a saying, “bearing a grudge against someone allows the perpetrator to live in your head rent-free”!  This is so true.  I carried around someone in my head for several years and the whole experience was extremely tiring and constantly drained me.  I eventually sat in a private space and said out loud, “Mr X, you treated us very badly but I now choose to let this memory go.  I will no longer carry this anger towards you around with me”!  It’s amazing how much healthier I felt after I made this affirmation.

So this is my next lesson; changing the anger and hurt into compassion!  Not so easy but I am sure it will be worth the effort.


It’s the strangest of things really. In my last blog I talked about the fact that I am not religious ‘per se’ but that I have spiritual leanings. After this blog I experienced my first hateful comment since starting writing back in 2013. This highlights how some religious people can be judgemental. I hid the comment and Chris told me not to take it personally. But I did take it personally. Not once, since losing Rowan in that horrendous accident back in 2012, had I consciously ever been critical of others in my writing. I have discussed all manner of things but have always been open to others’ views. This tiny comment set up a huge physical and emotional reaction in me! I can fully understand how religious wars begin!

Why did this one-sentence comment hurt me so much? I have thought about it long and hard. I think it was my ego that was dented!

This drives me to search out the word ‘ego’. What is ego? The definition of Ego in the ‘Urban Dictionary’ appeals to me:-

Ego – The part of you that defines itself as a personality, separates itself from the outside world, and considers itself (read: you) a separate entity from the rest of nature and the cosmos. Perhaps necessary for survival in some evolutionary bygone, in modern times it leads only to (albeit often disguised) misanthropic beliefs and delusion.

In short, “I.”
Ego is responsible for hate, fear, and delusion.

Yes, it was definitely ego that made me react so intensely to this one-liner!

I started writing this blog because I was told that it would be therapeutic for me to do so. I was also told that my experiences just might be able to help others travelling a similar journey. Ego didn’t come into the initial equation; I started this writing to help me process my grief, to try to help Chris and Francis, and if it helped others along the way then this was a pleasing spin-off. My intention was, in no way, to be acclaimed as a font of knowledge; to have people hang on my every word and believe them! What I write is just personal to me.

I have read that there are seven distinct features of ‘ego’:-
• Self-depreciation (undervaluing yourself)
• Self-destruction (sabotaging/punishing/harming yourself)
• Martyrdom (believing yourself to be persecuted/victimised/oppressed)
• Stubbornness (resisting any form of change in your life)
• Greed (selfish overindulgence)
• Arrogance (overvaluing or inflating yourself)

Have I changed since I started writing this blog some seventeen months ago? I suppose I have. I feel like I have learned a lot. This learning has helped me to come to terms with the death of one of the five most important people to have ever been, or whoever will be a part of my life. The death of a child cannot, in any way, be compared to the death of any other family member. I was devastated when I lost my father; he died early at the age of sixty and I was very close to him. I was devastated when my mother died at the grand age of eighty two; she was my very best girlfriend and life-long nurturer. But I still cannot put into words the total and complete pain, anguish and torment that Rowan’s death caused me. There aren’t words enough to describe the agony and ache this has caused.

Rowan’s death has helped my ego though. The stubbornness of resisting any form of change in my life disappeared with him. What could be more life-changing than losing one of my three beautiful boys? I have adapted and the fear of change has dissipated. Arrogance is not something I suffer from; self-depreciation maybe. Perhaps this writing has given me a feeling of worth; a feeling that I might be able to help others. Self-destruction could have been a bi-product of Rowie’s death but I chose to take the other turn in the road. Greed; selfish overindulgence – yes I am guilty. I can never satisfy my desire for bacon! I enjoy food and I enjoy feeding people. In this instance my ego and I are comfortable with each other. Martyrdom; why yes! The other day when I hid a comment on this blog I did feel victimised – but I have worked through it.

I am learning that spirituality and ego can walk hand in hand – it’s just a matter of encouraging that ego to be a positive influence in my life.


OK. So Rowie is stepping back a little to allow me to work with someone different on a literary level. It is all a matter of learning to trust someone new; trusting that they will understand my confused deliberations and contemplations. I guess they too will be worrying a little at the thought of taking me on! I wish I had a name to communicate with or a picture to envisage. You could say that I am working blind! I get the goose bumps as affirmation that there is someone around me; someone wanting to help me. I just have to learn afresh how to recognise the signs and the ways in which this new guide of mine is going to communicate with me, is going to help and steer me.

As I sit back and think about this challenge I wonder whether a visit to see my beautiful friend in Gore might be the answer. I’m guessing that she will be able to see whoever it is that has chosen to help me on the next part of my journey.

I am suddenly gripped with fear that Rowan might not hang around with me any more if I start to work with someone else – even though I am told that he is encouraging this step. If mediums are to be believed though; all it takes is a conscious thought on my behalf and Rowie will be by my side; listening and loving as always. I am 99.9% sure that this is the case although there is still that slight doubt; that moment when I am fearful that it is just my imagination; usually after dark. How does the saying go? “The darkest hour is just before the dawn” or “the darkest hour of all is the hour before day”. I take that to mean that there is hope, even in the worst of circumstances!

When I talk about my new-found spirituality I have lost count of the times that people have said to me “OK, but I’m not religious so I find all this a bit weird”! The fact of the matter is that I am not religious either. This may seem a little puzzling. Every religion in the world has its spiritual philosophies. There are great big, undeniable connections between all these philosophies. In my mind this says, loud and clear, that spirituality exists; but however each individual wishes to acknowledge it, it is up to them. I fully respect people who have a religion; it is just that, on the whole, I find religions tend to be intolerant of other religions and as such, don’t want to head down that path myself.

Spirituality isn’t about how much we meditate or how often we go to church. It isn’t about how much time we spend praying. It is about opening ourselves up; letting go of expectations; forgetting about the way we think things should be; quieting that incessant babble in your head. It means that we need to stop labelling everything as either ‘right’ or ‘wrong’, ‘black’ or ‘white’. It entails trying to put a hold on our judgemental attitude and thinking that we are always the ones that are right. It means choosing love over fear. It involves allowing more love, compassion, forgiveness and gratitude into our world. The way I see it is that anyone who kills others in the name of religion or judges others for life choices and bans them from their religious community for these choices is not truly walking the spiritual path.

Actively encouraged by Rowan, I am trying to live my life in a more forgiving way. It isn’t easy when you have spent fifty-odd years of your life having no religious or spiritual beliefs whatsoever! If this means letting go of ways and things that no longer serve me then so be it.

I know Rowie was excusing of my chaotic reflections! I hope my new spirit friend can make some sense of my disorderly thoughts – and although perhaps perplexed, I hope he has the strength to stick it out!


I’m just sooo busy! There aren’t enough hours in the day! Where did the day go? I must make time tomorrow instead of procrastinating! Time flies when you’re having fun! It flies even when you’re not! It’s a good job women are so very good at multi-tasking. Let’s face it, if we weren’t how could we function so well as mothers?

The Dalai Lama, when asked what surprised him most about humanity, answered

“Man. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money. Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”

I have never tried to hide my idolisation of The Dalai Lama and I quote him often.

I pressured Francis, our eldest son, and his wife Maree, into accompanying me to see His Holiness when he spoke in Dunedin in 2013. Dunedin Town Hall was fully booked. Why? There was this diminutive gentleman of indeterminate age; but certainly older than you or I! Historically kicked out of his own country, he lives in India as an exile. He speaks English in a stilted fashion and laughs a lot! How can he fill such a large space and command such attention and devotion?

When he walked slowly onto the stage I would like to bet that there were very few dry eyes in the house – his dignity, poise and presence were awe-inspiring. I choked up immediately! I have never seen such charisma in one so understated in his demeanour. He spoke a little and laughed; an infectious laugh that had his audience laughing with him; even though most of us missed what he actually said! After tuning in to him for ten minutes it became easy to understand and follow his speech.
It is very difficult to say what I actually took away from the occasion; apart from a life-long veneration and respect for the man. His beliefs and values are so simple but in the same breath, mind-blowing. His way of life, his mantra; love, compassion, forgiveness. Simple but incredibly effective!

I have been busy over the last few weeks. I have been tying off ends on our book, Chasing Shadows. I have been making bracelets in a positively manic fashion – stocking up for the Owaka market held last weekend in brilliant sunshine at the Catlins Café – great company, music, food and drink! I’ve been so busy in fact that I haven’t written here for a while.

Jodie sent me an email last week out of the blue. She has been hugely busy in her new work in Silicon Valley. I have been busy being busy. It was perfectly wonderful to hear from her again.

She had news for me; news that made me very happy. Rowan had been around her a little; hanging back, not pushing himself forward, but there nonetheless. She said that he is a medium’s dream! So many spirits push themselves forward and are demanding. They are aggressive and difficult to deal with. Rowie just sits and waits quietly; smiling and “chill” is how she described him! She knows him so well! I think I could describe him as smiling and “chill” too. She said there is something totally effortless and gracious about his approach. He is very clear when he communicates with her. He sends my voice to her saying “Come on Rowie, help me then”! She says it is just as if I am in the room with her; sitting next to her even. I have lost count of the amount of times I have said this to Rowie when I am writing and hit a block! There are others in spirit around me too she tells me. She thinks that I am attracting other people in spirit. There are a couple of spirits around that would like to help me too. Good news I think. It sounds like my journey might be about to pick up a little momentum again! How I miss Jodie – I would love to catch up with her again. Perhaps the Universe can set something up for me!

With this in mind I spent an age transferring all my crystals outdoors so that they could energise in the sun today and then returning them to their resting places, energised and buzzing!

Twenty four hours on, I visited my friend at The Nuggets this morning. She further enlightened me about me continuing journey. There is another book to be written! Rowie is going to be part of my ‘mediumship’ journey but he has handed over the mantle of ‘literary spirit’ to a friend of his in the spirit world! Janice and Jodie both say the same thing! This is exciting!

I don’t quite know where my journey is taking me next but I am open to receiving whatever the Universe has in store for me and I will aid and abet it in any way I can!


Two years ago, January 2013, saw the start of an incredible journey for me.

We lost our seventeen year old son in a horrendous accident on Boxing Day 2012 which led me to an amazing scramble for the truth!

The thing that I really needed to know first was, where is Rowie now? Is he dead and gone? Is there nothing but ashes remaining from such a short but happy, loving and energetic life? Is it like my father predicted; you are born, you live, you die, you return to the earth – the end?

Of course everyone who loses someone close needs to grab hold of the hope that life does go on after we lose our physical bodies; that there is a kind of ‘life after death’; that we will be able to catch up with loved ones somewhere down the track…….that they might even be waiting for us when we breathe our own last breath.

Well, it didn’t take me long to start believing that some sort of life after death does indeed exist. All the ‘coincidences’ gave it away! I’ve talked before about these. These coincidences started the day after Rowan died and they have continued to occur throughout the last two years; usually when I or my family needed some sort of a lift, a tonic, an encouragement.

The first book I read after Rowan died was lent to me by our funeral director, Raewyn. She loaned me this book by UK medium Lisa Williams, Life Among the Dead. It talked of a place where Spirits progress when they leave their earthly body. When I say ‘spirit’, I am referring to souls that have returned to source, passed into the Afterlife, Heaven etc. Lisa has spent many years speaking to dead people for and on behalf of people like myself who have lost loved ones and want proof of their continued existence. She also has the gift of seeing and talking to her own spirit guides. Add to that the near-death experience she underwent and she suddenly looks like an extremely knowledgeable person in the field of all things metaphysical! The whole package so to speak!

This led me to contact Lynn, a medium in Gore. She worried that perhaps Rowie wouldn’t come through so soon after passing because he would need to heal. He did come through – God bless Lynn for her amazing gift and her ability to make my beautiful son feel comfortable with her.

The first person I spoke to who could actually see Rowan ‘in situ’, where he was at the time, was Almora, Ascended Master channelled by an awesome lady, originally from Jersey, who now lives in Christchurch, Dellaina. Dellaina isn’t a medium. She channels Almora and brings messages from him to help us live life to the best of our ability and he helps us realise our soul purpose in this life.

Almora saw Rowan in a great healing facility/hospital. He was sitting in a large hall with very high walls and windows from top to bottom allowing in pure, beautiful light. This building was all-white. He described the peace emanating from this place as truly amazing. There was music playing quietly; the most incredibly music. He told me that Rowan, because of his sudden and unexpected death, had much healing to do. Apparently when spirits pass quickly as he did, with no warning, they can see their loved ones here hurting and they feel huge sadness for them. They need this healing time to process what has happened to them and to refresh their memory of what they actually are and to help them to understand the progression of spirit through various lifetimes.

People who have had long, debilitating illnesses equally spend a while within this healing facility, helping them to release the mental pain and suffering that these illnesses have put them through. This ‘hospital’ helps the spirit to shed any memories of the pain and trauma their physical body suffered through their earthly lifetime. People suffering from addictions when they passed also need to spend a deal of time in this healing facility because they bring with them remnants of their addictions that need to be discarded.

Almora talks about the the vibration and energy in this healing facility and how it feels like a huge, loving embrace; one that you will not want to leave! You stay in this healing facility as long as you need to.

The healing facility is staffed by ‘healers’ – these same ‘healers’ work with us down here. They help us through emotionally difficult times. These ‘healers’ are highly evolved souls who guide you through your healing after the trauma of passing; suddenly, from a long illness or after a violent death. They help you through the grieving process of having left the Earth plane – it is a natural feeling to grieve for the life you have left behind.

Almora thought that Rowan was nearing the end of his healing process. At this stage Rowie had been gone from us around 5 months. I had been told by another medium that Rowan would probably need around 6 months healing before he was able to progress. This all fitted perfectly. When I attended Kelvin Kruickshank’s workshop in June I was told that he ‘was whole again’ and happy.

When I visited Jodie in San Francisco, some eight months after Rowan had passed, he was out of the facility and working as a ‘healer’ himself; meeting young people who, like him, had passed unexpectedly due to an accident; helping them to process their grief and helping them to understand the ways of the Afterlife, Heaven etc. He talked of wanting to be an ‘Ambassador for Heaven’.

After spending the needed time in this healing facility we meet up with our spirit guides again. This is where we decide on our best path forward; we get to see our Akashic Record, a document that details every single life we have lived on the Earth plane. We make the choice to reincarnate again or to stay a while longer to participate as an inhabitant of Heaven.

Some lucky souls don’t have to reincarnate again because they have completed all their life lessons. They get to stay in the Afterlife for as long as they want.

Oddly enough though it seems that most spirits choose to reincarnate again; to once more live within a dense, slow moving Earthly body where they can experience all the physical things that a spiritual soul cannot experience.

If only we knew this when we complain endlessly about the way life is treating us!!


Rowie loved Christmas. This is the second Christmas that I have not looked forward to since 1987 when Francis descended upon us! I have made a conscious decision. The time has come to turn things around if I can.

Last year we dreaded it; we hoped it would go away; we tried to ignore it. We compromised. We didn’t decorate; we didn’t have a tree. We had an understated Christmas lunch, just the three of us; Francis, Chris and I. We set a place for Rowie so he didn’t feel left out if he decided to pop in. We certainly didn’t celebrate. Boxing Day was horrendous. We went up to school and put some flowers by his memorial plaques there. We cried some; it rained some. We hoped the day would dissolve in front of our eyes. We spent most of the anniversary down in Pounawea with Francis and Maree; a rainy, miserable day as expected.

People have been saying to me ‘no point in saying have a good Christmas, just get through it the best you can’. Plans have been to make no more of it than last year. This year Chris is working Christmas Day night anyway so he will be asleep most of Christmas Day. Boxing Day is his first day off so we will eat Christmas fare then. Hopefully Francis and Maree might join us.

It is so easy to slip into this self-loathing, self-pitying state of mind. It is far harder to pull yourself out of it and turn things around.

Rowan loved Christmas. Isn’t it kinder on him to make a bit of an effort to celebrate as we would have done if he had still been here? Are we making him feel sad by bemoaning and grieving our way through the festive season?
OK, no tree again; just the blossom tree that stands guard by our ‘big Rowie picture’ throughout the year. His wee bird’s nest that was his ‘special’ Christmas decoration, has stayed on his casket throughout this year. The beautiful decorations that he festooned the house with in 2012 stay boxed up and invisible. I’m guessing they might make an appearance again when a new young life comes into our family again.

I love my children as hard as any mother can love her children. Francis came into our lives after a miscarriage and many years of hoping – an exceptional gift. Rowan came into our lives eight years later, much anticipated, much loved – an exceptional gift. For those of you that are yet to experience the love that a mother has for her child, believe me when I tell you that ‘unconditional love’ doesn’t begin to describe the feeling that you have for these exceptional gifts. In the moment that they are born you realise what life is all about; you understand why you are here and what it is that you are here to do.

Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to allow the love for these tiny souls to fill your heart and to allow their souls to connect with your soul; to hold them close and to let them know how very important they are to you and the world. This mission is both the hardest thing you will ever do and the easiest too. To do right by them is hard. No-one teaches you how to be a parent. It is only when you are a parent yourself that you realise just how enormous this job is that you have taken on.

But although enormous, this job is the most rewarding and important job a soul can do.


The weather for the last three days has been a replica of the weather leading up to Christmas in 2012; sunny, warm, positively balmy – a massage for the soul!

I popped out to The Nuggets first thing this morning.  The colours were truly amazing.  Everything looked crisp and clear.  Bright blue sky reflected in the shimmering water of the Pacific.  Peace.  What a wonderful, magnificent presence of quiet.  My friend had two visitors to her beach this morning; a fur seal and a NZ sea lion.  How lucky are we to live in such a beautiful area as The Catlins, New Zealand?  She also had a very persistent sparrow that hovered repeatedly outside her large window as if he had a message to share with us.

Our family moved down here from Alexandra in December 2008.  Rowan really didn’t want to come down here – he had fallen in love for the first time.  Laura had been generous enough to agree to accompany him to his first ‘Formal’ – a black and white themed dinner and dance to celebrate their moving from primary education to senior school!  A great event enjoyed by all and such a serious part of growing up.

On our journey down through Miller’s Flat to Owaka, furniture van following, we stopped to say a farewell to Laura with a promise that she could come and stay with us at Easter.  This placated Rowan somewhat although he was still fighting the move stubbornly.

As it turned out, Laura was to accompany Rowan to his next two ‘Formals’ – the ‘nearly grown-up’ kind!  How awesome was that?

After our contract in Owaka ended and we had the opportunity to move back to Alexandra (we had kept our house there), Rowan fought tooth and nail to stay in Owaka!  Oh how things change!  He had fallen in love with the sea, with the native bush, with the bird-life, with the people of Owaka and its surrounds.  He loved The Catlins Area School and couldn’t contemplate finishing his schooling anywhere else.  He had made life-long friends with the whole school community and eventually achieved his aspiration to become Head Boy.

His fatal accident on 26 December 2012 brought a premature end to this and everything else on this earthly plane for him; his opportunity to create more memories taken away in the blink of an eye.

Chris and I chose to stay in Owaka after Rowie passed; not least because Francis is close by, but because the community has a certain something; a warmth, an ethos, a tenet that we didn’t think that we could find anywhere else.

For a small community, Owaka has lost so many of their youngsters.  I have something pulling at me; nudging me, telling me to do something.  All kids are special.  These kids that have been taken so prematurely from us in Owaka are special – very special and I have a feeling that there is something I am supposed to do to honour them and to help us heal the wounds.  This sounds crazy.  This sounds ridiculous.  I have a recurring dream, one which gives me hints but doesn’t explain how and what I am supposed to do next!

I was told to write and so I write.  I was told to work with the energy of crystals and I am now making crystal jewellery.  Maybe my next steps will become clearer as time goes on.

If there is something I need to do, I can be sure the Universe will let me know!